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Your Loved One is Right, and You are Wrong!

Today’s insight discusses being wrong. The sooner you accept this the better off you’ll be! Eliminate arguments by admitting you are mistaken.

Transcription of Video:

Hi, I’m Deb Nygaard with Arthur’s Residential Care presenting today’s Insights from Arthur’s.

Today I want to talk about a simple premise that you, the caregiver, need to grasp early on. That is that your loved one with dementia is right and you are wrong. For the rest of their lives, you are wrong. The sooner you accept this, the better off you will be.

When you choose to argue with someone with dementia, they know that in their heart they are right. If you try to cram the truth down their throat, they are going to have to get more insistent and angrier to prove their point.

For example, if your mother thinks that she is 20 year old, she obviously can’t have a child who is in their 50s or 60s. You try to correct her by saying, “No, I am your son.” Your mother is very confused because she realizes that she can’t have a son older than her, she is only 20. Overall, what you are going to end up with is a war where you just end up reducing your mother to tears or you end up really making her mad. Neither of those reactions are what we want.

It is best to simply admit that you are wrong and change the topic. It doesn’t matter about the relationship, so take the blame for things. Think of it this way, who has the bigger brain? Teepa Snow used to say this all of the time, and I think it’s so clever. “Her brain is degenerating and yours is not. At least it’s not diagnosed yet.” So, let them be right, let them win.

I’m Deb Nygaard with Arthur’s Residential Care.

Contact Deb Nygaard
Director of Development
Arthur’s Residential Care: 651-429-4798