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Do You Remember

Today’s insight discusses setting your loved one up to succeed. Remembering is hard, yet family continually ask loved ones with dementia to recall events. “Do you remember?”

Transcription of Video:

Hi, I’m Deb Nygaard with Arthur’s Residential Care, with today’s Insights From Arthur’s.

Today I want to talk about asking your loved one if they remember something. It’s a very common thing when we’re greeting our loved ones to say, “Hey, what’d you have for lunch today?” What you’re asking them to do is to remember, and remembering is hard for them. As the disease progresses, it’s going to be harder and harder for them to retain what happened recently. What they’re going to remember longest is the things that happened a long time ago.

When you say, “Did Joe come to visit? He said he was coming yesterday — did he come? You know he never says what he’s going to do. And I get so frustrated with him. When did you get your haircut? It looks great.” You know, all of these things asking them to remember set them up to fail, and if you’re the person who always brings them failure, that’s going to be an uncomfortable relationship for them — they’re going to remember that.

A better way is to talk about the things that you remember. “Mom, I remember when I was a little girl, how we used to do this thing together.” And you know, maybe your mother never even knew how you felt about a certain activity, but what you’re doing is talking about your memories at a time when her memory was more sharp.

I’m Deb Nygaard with Arthur’s Residential Care.

Contact Deb Nygaard
Director of Development
Arthur’s Residential Care: 651-429-4798